


the boyz are sausages

by dobihaks



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Contains swearing - Freeform, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Messy, chatfic, dry humor lol, i try hard to be funny so idk, kevin is WHIPPED, they are chaotic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dobihaks/pseuds/dobihaks
Summary: maknae on TOP: icb y'all snitched me out :((maknae on TOP: im looking at u jacob hyungbelly button: i breathed---present past future: LMAOOOOpapa bear uwu: eric it's our obligation as your hyungspapa bear uwu: we don't condone lyingmaknae on TOP: SANGYEON HYUNG YOU LITERALLY TOLD OUR SCHOOL HEAD THAT BORI'S A PLUSHIEmaknae on TOP: ONLY SO YOUNGHOON HYUNG CAN BRING HIM INSIDEpapa bear uwu: i wasn't here
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Younghoon, Ji Changmin | Q/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae, Ju Haknyeon/Kim Sunwoo, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 31
Kudos: 245





	1. "holy shit this some real tea right here"- Lee Jaehyun

**Author's Note:**

> -hey ppl im back this time with a crack the boyz chat fic lol im too lazy to write a one shot with actual plot so,,,  
> -yes title inspired by that one clip of the boyz during ISAC saying they're sausages except haknyeon lmao  
> -purely chatfic, dw the nicknames make sense so it won't be confusing  
> -only thing you should remember is sangcobhoonmil are seniors, 98z are juniors and maknae line are sophomores  
> -plotless for the most part but there's??? still??? story??? idk  
> -ALSO cw contains swearing so if that makes you uncomfortable this one's not for u  
> -sorry for the lame and dry humor i tried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idrk where all of this is going i literally just word vomited all over the place so pls go easy on me

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**maknae on TOP** : YALL HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : AND WHY IS MY NICKNAME MAKNAE ON TOP I BOTTOM  
  
 **chan hee hee** : eric you set that yourself  
  
 **chan hee hee** : and ew  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOO  
  
 **qtiepie** : bitch we have NOTHING to explain  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : YES YOU DO MF  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : felix told me that chenle told him that jisung told him that bomin told him  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : wow you have a lot of friends  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : can't relate  
  
 **kev is IN** : juyeon what do you call us---  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : strangers with benefits  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOO  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : MFS LET ME FINISH  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : so apparently y'all told my homeroom prof that i cut classes  
  
 **belly button** : which you did  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : NOT THE POINT  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : icb y'all snitched me out :((  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : im looking at u jacob hyung  
  
 **belly button:** i breathed—  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOO  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : eric it's our obligation as your hyungs  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : we don't condone lying  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : SANGYEON HYUNG YOU LITERALLY TOLD OUR SCHOOL HEAD THAT BORI'S A PLUSHIE  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : ONLY SO YOUNGHOON HYUNG CAN BRING HIM INSIDE  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : i wasn't here  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : ive been summoned  
  
 **hak neon** : literally no one called you  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY:** HAKNYEON RUDE  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOOO  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOOO  
  
 **little sunshit** : why tf are y'all so noisy  
  
l **ittle sunshit** : can't you let a man sleep in peace  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOO  
  
 **little sunshit** : hyunjae hyung i will punch you in the face  
  
 **hak neon** : LMAOOOO  
  
 **present past future** : HOW DARE YOU—  
  
 **chan hee hee** : taste of your own medicine bitch  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : LANGUAGE  
  
 **qtiepie** : ugly  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : you mf  
  
 **belly button** : am i the only pure one left here  
  
 **maknae on TOP** : 'pure'  
  
 **kev is IN** : yes u are babe  
  
 **kev is IN** : don't listen to erect he's just jealous  
  
 **kev is IN** : ***eric  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** :lol  
  


**_present past future changed maknae on TOP's nickname to ERECT  
  
_ **

**ERECT** : EXCUSE ME  
  
 **chan hee hee** : excused  
  
 **qtiepie** : oof deserved  
  
 **ERECT** : why do y'all bully me so much  
  
 **ERECT** : IM LEAVING  
  
 **little sunshit** : b y e  
  


**_ERECT left the group chat  
  
_ **

**belly button** : heyyyy  
  
 **belly button** : you guys are bad  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : what have you done  
  
 **little sunshit** : don't mind him i bet he'll message one of u to add him back  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : eric messaged me  
  
 **little sunshit** : i told you  
  
 **hak neon** : lmao younghoon-hyung what did he say  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : and i quote  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : 'younghoon-hyung please add me back i didn't mean to leave i was just scaring you all i promise'  
  
 **kev is IN** : i am confusion  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : *confused  
  
 **kev is IN** :....  
  
 **kev is IN** : ill pretend you didn't say that  
  
 **chan hee hee** : did eric really think he'll scare us off easily  
  
 **chan hee hee** : we don't even care  
  
 **little sunshit** : damn bro no chill  
  
 **little sunshit** : true tho  
  


**_present past future added Sohn Eric to the group chat_ **   
**_present past future changed Sohn Eric's nickname to ERECT  
  
_ **

**ERECT** : fuck y'all  
  
 **ERECT** : changmin-hyung's sending me screenshots  
  
 **ERECT** : i will beat y'alls asses up just you wait  
  
 **qtiepie** : I SAID DON'T MENTION ME  
  
 **little sunshit** : i smell betrayal  
  
 **chan hee hee** : omg eric im so scared i peed my pants  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : why are you scared of him he's smol  
  
 **chan hee hee** : in case you haven't heard  
  
 **chan hee hee** : s a r c a s m  
  
 **ERECT** : now you're fighting juyeon-hyung too that's it  
  
 **ERECT** : I AM NOW DECLARING WAR  
  
 **ERECT** : me juyeon-hyung jacob-hyung and changmin-hyung versus all of you  
  
 **ERECT** : a fight to the death  
  
 **belly button** : uhmm i never signed up for this  
  
 **kev is IN** : wherever jacob is im with  
  
 **hak neon** : w h i p p e d  
  
 **kev is IN** : I AM NOT  
  
 **little sunshit** : if war is what you want i will not back down  
  
 **little sunshit** : i am now sending you eric's embarassing photos please wait patiently  
  
 **ERECT** : nO  
  
 **ERECT** : NO I TAKE IT BACK SUNWOO I LOVE YOU  
  
 **ERECT** : PLEASE DON'T SEND THOSE  
  
 **ERECT** : WHITE FLAG  
  
 **qtiepie** : you are a weakling icb this  
  
 **ERECT** : shush my life is at stake!!!  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : now im curious sunwoo drop the tea  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : same drop the tea please  
  
 **kev is IN** : OH MY GOD  
  
 **kev is IN** : juyeon just understood a reference  
  
 **kev is IN** : i am proud *cries  
  
 **present past future** : LMAOOOO  
  
 **ERECT** : NO PLS SUNWOO IM BEGGING YOU ILL DO ANYTHING  
  
 **little sunshit** : anything?  
  
 **chan hee hee** : dun dun dun dun  
  
 **hak neon** : everglow  
  
 **chan hee hee** : ????????????  
  
 **ERECT** : YES ANYTHING  
  
 **little sunshit** : anything?  
  
 **belly button** : eric don't agree to this—  
  
 **ERECT** : YES  
  
 **belly button** : you are doomed  
  
 **little sunshit** : tell us  
  
 **little sunshit** : who was the culprit  
  
 **little sunshit** : behind the love letters inside juyeon-hyung's locker  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : im listening  
  
 **present past future** : holy shit this some real tea right here  
  
 **kev is IN** : OH MY GOD ERIC YOU KNOW WHO?  
  
 **qtipie** : icb this TELL US WHO  
  
 **chan hee hee** : the answer we've all been searching for MONTHS  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : is it one of us?  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : i have a hunch hehe  
  
 **hak neon** : sangyeon-hyung where have you been and aren't you gonna stop this  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : i did something and no  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : this problem has caused me so much headache i need to know the answer  
  
 **little sunshit** : look eric everyone's here  
  
 **ERECT** : i hate you  
  
 **ERECT** : for real  
  
 **little sunshit** : okay photos sending  
  
 **ERECT:** OKAY OKAY  
  
 **ERECT** : im sorry guys  
  
 **ERECT** : it was me  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : I CALLED IT

\--- ---  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill update this maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe never idk depends on my mood lol i alrdy wrote half of the next chapter so,,,  
> ALSO damn im so excited for ep2 of rtk i can't wait to watch them perform danger like imagine????? JUYEON???? DANCING DANGER???? UGH  
> 


	2. "i tried to eat bori's dog food"- Kim Younghoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fking hate msnake so much my blood is boiling how dare they torture us like this msnake i m coming for u !1?1!4!1!4

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**present past future** : did you know that  
  
 **present past future** : you'll pee at night  
  
 **present past future** : when you play with fire  
  
 **chan hee hee** : somebody's high asf  
  
 **qtiepie** : the fuck??????????  
  
 **kev is IN** : ikr?  
  
 **present past future** : omg you experienced it?  
  
 **kev is IN** : no idiot  
  
 **hak neon** : is no one gonna talk  
  
 **hak neon** : about eric putting love letters in juyeon-hyungs locker  
  
 **little sunshit** : why would we  
  
 **belly button** : yes it's not our business anyways  
  
 **little sunshit** : wrong, we all saw it coming anyways  
  
 **belly button** : u little demon  
  
 **ERECT** : yall talking about me as if im not here  
  
 **chan hee hee** : do we need your permission  
  
 **ERECT** : BITCHDHFHFJG  
  
 **ERECT** : n e ways  
  
 **ERECT** : those letters mean nothing  
  
 **ERECT** : it was just a joke  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : it is???  
  
 **ERECT** : OMG OFC HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : oh  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : hmmm why are you disappointed  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : i-i am n-not  
  
 **present past future** : tf....  
  
 **kev is IN** : did he just talk in wattpad  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : guys help  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : i tried to eat bori's dog food  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : EXCUSE ME WHAT?  
  
 **hak neon** : mood  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : and i didn't know it was hrimp flavored  
  
 **bori's number one DADDY** : im allergic to shrimp  
  
 **chan hee hee** : why were u even eating dog food in the first place!!! idiot  
  
 **chan hee hee** : hold up im coming over  
  
 **little sunshit** : chanhee whipped  
  
 **kev is IN** : chanhee whipped  
  
 **chan hee hee** : imma whip y'all when i get back  
  
 **ERECT** : ewww your kink is showing  
  
 **kev is IN** : ooh kinky im in  
  
 **qtiepie** : NOPE KEVIN  
  
 **belly button** : STOP IT  
  
  


**_PRIVATE CHAT: JUYEON-ERIC  
_ **

**Juyeon** : was it really just a joke????  
  
 **Eric** : of course hyung! no need to be angry at me  
  
 **Eric** : pls don't be weirded out :((  
  
 **Juyeon** : IM NOT  
  
 **Juyeon** : don't worry i won't be angry haha  
  
 **Eric** : really hyung???  
  
 **Eric** : u d best ily <333  
  
 **Juyeon** : lol same  
  
  


**PRIVATE CHAT: ERIC-SUNWOO**

**Eric** : YOU MF I WILL KILL U  
  
 **Eric:** THIS IS ALL URE FUALT  
  
 **Sunwoo** : ***ur, fault  
  
 **Eric** : SHUT UP GRAMMAR NAZI  
  
 **Eric** : ICB YOU BETRAYED ME  
  
 **Eric** : YOU CRUSHED MY HOPES AND DREAMS  
  
 **Eric** : I EVOKE YOUR BEST FRIEND CARD  
  
 **Sunwoo** : never wanted it anyways  
  
 **Eric** : i will poke your eyes out and throw them down the drain  
  
 **Sunwoo** : why is it even my fault lol  
  
 **Sunwoo** : you exposed urself dumbass  
  
 **Eric** : DKFUFKFIODKTLTIRKGITMTKGJLFJF  
  
 **Sunwoo** : did you fall asleep on ur keyboard again  
  
 **Eric:** mf that is called keyboard smashing  
  
 **Eric** : you do it when you wanna smash someone's head so bad but you can't so you smash ur keyboard instead  
  
 **Eric** : so watch ur head i will come for u  
  
 **Sunwoo** : which head  
  
 **Eric** : EYE-  
  
 **Sunwoo** : icb he believed u tho  
  
 **Sunwoo** : i thought u were finally caught for good  
  
 **Sunwoo** : like caught CAUGHT  
  
 **Eric** : how about never  
  
 **Eric** : but ikr he's really gullible  
  
 **Eric** : he once told me that he hangs socks every christmas  
  
 **Eric** : so that Santa will come and put candies there  
  
 **Sunwoo** : so???  
  
 **Sunwoo** : we all did that as a kid  
  
 **Eric** : yeah well  
  
 **Eric** : he's still doing it until now  
  
 **Sunwoo** : OH MY GOD HE DOES NOT  
  
 **Eric** : he does  
  
 **Sunwoo** : OMG SKFJKDKFF  
  
 **Sunwoo** : IM GONNA PEE MYSELF  
  
 **Eric** : he's so cute  
  
 **Sunwoo** : ....  
  
 **Sunwoo** : oh eric  
  
 **Sunwoo** : love hit u real hard my man  
  
  


**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**chan hee hee** : guys  
  
 **chan hee hee** : uhm  
  
 **chan hee hee** : is it normal  
  
 **chan hee hee** : if i caught younghoon-hyung  
  
 **chan hee hee** : biting bori's butt  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : seems normal to me  
  
 **chan hee hee** : okay good  
  
 **present past future** : NORMAL?$'@!(-:-:  
  
 **qtiepie** : sometimes i wonder  
  
 **qtiepie** : why im friends with y'all  
  
 **hak neon** : changmin-hyung, how's Gabriella Ji the Great?  
  
 **belly button** : the who?  
  
 **kev is IN** : lmao the toy pigeon he bought last summer  
  
 **belly button** : THE WHAT?  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : what a clapped name  
  
 **little sunshit** : LMAO WHY DID YOU NAME YOUR TOY PIGEON  
  
 **qtiepie** : *gasps  
  
 **qtiepie** : i am offended  
  
 **qtiepie** : first of all, do not question my naming abilities  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : guilty  
  
 **qtiepie** : SECOND of all, Gabriella Ji the Great is not my toy  
  
 **qtiepie** : SHE'S MY BABY  
  
 **little sunshit** : changmin hyung is terrifying and I don't like it one bit  
  
 **present past future** : changmin so cute  
  
 **little sunshit** : WTF IS UP WITH U GUYS IS IT MATING SEASON  
  
 **hak neon** : i just ate 57 bread  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : ure getting rusty just 57???  
  
 **hak neon** : im not finished  
  
 **hak neon** : l a r g e s i z e d  
  
 **little sunshit** : that's my haknyeon i am so proud!!!!  
  
 **papa bear uwu** :...  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : i feel alone  
  
 **juyeon♡every1** : i am here sangyeon bro  
  
 **little sunshit** : NO  
  
 **little sunshit** : RIGHT IN FRONT OF ERIC'S SALAD?  
  
 **ERECT** : SHUT  
  
 **papa bear uwu** : siri how do you disown ten idiots

\--- ---  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys pls be honest,,, is this even funny lsjfkdkfl i write this with a straight face nd i just overall have lame humor so idk


	3. "twenty, with my foot fingers"- Lee Juyeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally im back lol here's another chapter :)))  
> ALSO deobis stream the danger performance asf I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT IMDJJFJFKFKGKG SUNWOO LITERALLY DEFYING GRAVITY WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK

  
**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**kev is IN** : if y'all can be a fruit

 **kev is IN** : what would you be?

 **belly button** : pear

 **kev is IN** : why?

 **belly button** : ...

 **belly button** : bcs u asked?????

 **kev is IN** : fair point

 **bori's number one DADDY** : i will be a cactus!!!!

 **papa bear uwu** : uhhhm  
 ****

 **little sunshit** : ssh no one tell him

 **little sunshit** : let a man dream

 **hak neon** : stop with the fruit talk

 **hak neon** : im so full

 **chan hee hee** **: no one asked?

 **kev is IN** : OH MY GOD

 **kev is IN** : EVERYONE BOW DOWN

 **kev is IN** : THIS IS A MIRACLE

 **hak neon** : thank god i have two hands

 **hak neon** : so i can punch you both at the same time

 **juyeon♡every1** : i have twenty tho???

 **juyeon♡every1** : oh nvm i thought u said fingers

 **present past future** : THE FUCK????????

 **little sunshit** : dude last time i checked humans only have ten fingers

 **juyeon♡every1** : twenty, with my foot fingers

 **kev is IN** : JUYEON

 **kev is IN** : THEY ARE CALLED TOES

 **kev is IN** : T-O-E-S

 **qtiepie** : guys

 **qtiepie** : can i crash on any of y'alls room

 **qtiepie** : just tonight

 **little sunshit** : lmao why

 **qtiepie** : my roommate brought his boyfriend

 **ERECT** : do i wanna know?

 **ERECT** : WAIT HOLD UP DON'T

 **qtiepie** : figures

 **qtiepie** : so,,, anyone? sangyeon hyung pls?

 **papa bear uwu** : sorry kiddo

 **papa bear uwu** : we're kinda busy here

 **qtiepie** : anyone??? :(((

 **bori's number one DADDY** : sorry i like u a lot but u snore

 **qtiepie** : THE AUDACITY????

 **chan hee hee** : how about mine???

 **qtiepie** : really????

 **chan hee hee** : no  
 ****

 **hak neon** : sorry my roommate hates loud people

 **kev is IN:** awww im sorry haknyeon he must hate u a lot

 **hak neon** : i will choke you with my foot

 **present past future** **: my room's free !!!

 **qtiepie** : yay! be there in a min <33

 **present past future** : sure <33

 **chan hee hee** : gross

**GROUP CHAT: young thugs™**

**Sunwoo** : did y'all see what i saw

 **Eric** : lol i forgot this was a thing

 **Haknyeon** : CHANGMIN AND HYUNJAE HYUNGS

 **Sunwoo** : EXACTLY

 **Eric** : what up with them????

 **Sunwoo** : YOU DIDN'T KNOW???

 **Sunwoo:** changmin hyung has the fattest crush on hyunjae hyung  
 ****

 **Sunwoo** : and im guessing it's mutual

 **Sunwoo** : but they're both cowards so they don't know

 **Eric** : seems like someone i know 👀

 **Sunwoo** : u do know that my room is just across urs  
 ****

 **Sunwoo** : i can easily sneak in and murder u in ur sleep

 **Haknyeon** : why do i feel attacked—

 **Eric** : wasn't for u but well  
 ****

 **Eric** : if the shoe fits

**GROUP CHAT: who let the dogz out woof woof woof**

**Changmin** : hELP

 **Chanhee** : help urself

 **Kevin** : did you get stuck in the refrigerator again?

 **Chanhee** : ?????????

 **Juyeon** : how did he fit?

 **Kevin** : beats me

 **Changmin** : FUCK U

 **Changmin** : THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

 **Chanhee** : ffs just tell us what it is

 **Changmin** : hyunjae hyung is weird

 **Changmin** : he keeps staring at me

 **Changmin** : and opens his mouth like he wants to say something

 **Changmin** : but then he closes it and im fucking weirded out!!1!1!1!1!1

 **Kevin** : that is not an emergency

 **Chanhee** : changmin what is one plus one

 **Changmin** : uhh two duh???

 **Chanhee** : damn right

 **Chanhee** : u have common sense

 **Changmin** : ur point????

 **Juyeon** : hyunjae hyung likes you

 **Chanhee** : SEE? EVEN JUYEON GETS IT 

**Changmin** : wait WHAT

 **Changmin** : NO WAY

 **Kevin** : YES WAY

 **Changmin** : we're just bros!!!!

 **** **Chanhee** : that's very gay

 **Kevin:** how? jacob and i are bros too

 **Chanhee** : exactly

 **Kevin** : KDIFIRKFIGKFIFJ

 **Changmin** : whatever ill just sleep and pretend i don't notice

 **Changmin** : goodnight ugly ass ppl

 **Juyeon** : you spelt yourself wrong

 **Kevin:** DAMNNNNNNNNN

**PRIVATE CHAT: CHANGMIN-CHANHEE**

**Changmin** : hey

 **Chanhee** : if you're here to tell me how annabelle is the cutest doll ever don't  
 ****

 **Changmin** : well she is  
 ****

 **Changmin** : but no  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : i am seriously concerned  
 ****

 **Changmin** : do you really think hyunjae hyung likes me?  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : oh

 **Chanhee** : so this is what it's all about ;)  
 ****

 **Changmin** **: SHUT UP JRIFKTKT  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : well i do  
 ****

 **Changmin** : why are u so sure tho  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : im not  
 ****

 **Changmin** : then how do you know he likes me????????  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : i just do  
 ****

 **Changmin** : you know for someone that holds our friendship's one brain cell  
 ****

 **Changmin** : you're kinda not making any sense rn  
 ****

 **Changmin** : actually scratch that  
 ****

 **Changmin** : YOU SOUND STUPID  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : changmin?  
 ****

 **Changmin** : yes?  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : fuck you  
 ****

 **Changmin** : bruised ur pride? ;)  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : never in a million years  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : but seriously changmin  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : learn to read the signs okay????  
 ****

 **Changmin** : i still don't believe u  
 ****

 **Changmin** : but it won't hurt  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : <3  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : now get lost stupid mf  
 ****

 **Chanhee** : your existence irritates me  
 ****

 **Changmin** : yeah i love u too

\--- ---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the start of a very very light angst so be warned i guess,,, again PLS STREAM THE DANGER PERFORMANCE ON YT AND NAVER THANK YOU DEOBI SANGYEON LOVES U


	4. "did hyunjae-hyung eat you?"- Choi Chanhee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream danger to 1m pls thanks

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY ASS**

**papa bear uwu** : my room, 2pm

 **papa bear uwu** : latecomers won't get in

 **ERECT** : ???

 **papa bear uwu** : we have so much food

 **papa bear uwu** : that are close to expiring

 **papa bear uwu** : we plan to restock soon

 **little sunshit** : so???

 **papa bear uwu** : i kinda maybe hypothetically cooked everything to free up our storage and i have no idea how i can consume all of these so...

 **papa bear uwu** : help???????

 **little sunshit** : what are we

 **l** **ittle sunshit** : your personal waste disposer??????

 **papa bear uwu** : THE DISRESPECT

 **papa bear uwu** : don't like, don't come

 **hak neon** : I M COMING

 **ERECT** : ME TOO

 **juyeon♡every1** : count me in sangyeon bro

 **kev is IN** : ME THREE

 **kev is IN** : ME FOUR -jacob

 **bori's number one DADDY** : you two are together?????

 **chan hee hee** : i smell something fishy

 **kev is IN** : the mouth is close to the nose

 **chan hee hee** : Alexa, how to kill someone through chat

 **papa bear uwu** : no more????

 **papa bear uwu** : where's changmin?

 **little sunshit** : at hyunjae hyung's

 **papa bear uwu** : NEVERMIND

 **papa bear uwu** : i won't disturb their lovey dovey moment

 **papa bear uwu** : see u at 2 clowns

**PRIVATE CHAT: CHANGMIN-CHANHEE**

**Chanhee** : ugly you dead?

 **Chanhee** : did hyunjae hyung eat you?

 **Chanhee** : omg i sure hope he did ;)

 **Chanhee** : BITCH REPLY IM WORRIED??????

 **Chanhee** : nah he fuckin dead

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**chan hee hee** : how do you summon a changmin from your own room

 **hak neon** : sugar

 **hak neon** : spice

 **hak neon** : and everything rice

 **little sunshit** : wtf do you think he is a powerpuff girl????

 **belly button** : i am pretty sure it's 'nice'

 **hak neon** : y'all are mean :((

 **chan hee hee** : it's the price to pay for joining this cult

 **chan hee hee** : ANYWAYS

 **chan hee hee** : BITCH WON'T ANSWER MY TEXTS

 **kev is IN** : chanhee let him be

 **kev is IN** : he's probably enjoying rn :))))

 **juyeon♡every1** : jaehyun won't reply to me too

 **ERECT** : O_O

 **ERECT** : they def did something

 **little sunshit** : like what, put love letters in each other's lockers?

 **ERECT** : IT WAS A JOKE KIM FUCKING SUNWOO

 **ERECT** : GET OVER IT

 **ERECT** : MIND YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS

 **little sunshit** : woah chill man

 **little sunshit** : i was just teasing???

 **bori's number one DADDY** : oof

 **qtiepie** : why is everyone fighting???

 **present past future** : tf is happening

 **kev is IN** : ooh they're here :)))

 **belly button** : how was your night??? :)))))

 **hak neon** : don't you feel sore??? :))))))))

 **qtiepie** : WHAT THR FUCFK

 **present past future** : SHUT UP WE LITERALLY JUST SLEPT

 **hak neon** : u sound guilty :))))))))))))

 **present past future** : THINK WHAT U WANT TO THINK

 **belly button** : oh we will :))))))))))))))))))

 **qtiepie** : MFS MIND OUT THE GUTTER

**PRIVATE CHAT: CHANGMIN-CHANHEE**

**Changmin** : OH MY GOD SORRY

 **Changmin** : BABE SORRY I JUST WOKE UP

 **Chanhee** : ew wtf

 **Chanhee** : wait,,,

 **Chanhee** : you need something don't you?????

 **Changmin** : I dont?????

 **Chanhee** : nah u do

 **Chanhee** : u only call me babe when you need something

 **Chanhee** : or when something happened between u and hyunjae hyung

 **Changmin** : uhm

 **Chanhee** : ....

 **Chanhee** : oh

 **Chanhee** : OH

 **Chanhee** : JI CHANGMIN YOU GAVE YOUR VIRGINITY?????????

 **Changmin** : NO WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK

 **Changmin** : DON'T YOU HAVE A CHAT FILTER

 **Changmin** : YOU'RE FUCKING VULGAR

 **Chanhee** : that's mild

 **Chanhee** : DID YOU GUYS HAVE SEX?

 **Changmin** : NO STOP IT WHAT THE FUCK

 **Chanhee** : THEN WHAT HAPPENED

 **Changmin** : well

 **Changmin** : so last night

 **Changmin** : i slept at his roommate's bed

 **Chanhee** : that is so unsanitary i am internally screaming but continue

 **Changmin** : and he slept on his own bed

 **Changmin** : but then i woke up this morning

 **Chanhee** : omg

 **Changmin** : and uhmm he was on my bed????

 **Changmin** : and uhmm he was cuddling me?????

 **Chanhee** : OMG

 **Chanhee** : i never say this since i love to see you suffer

 **Chanhee** : BUT I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

 **Changmin** : chill i m pretty sure it meant nothing

 **Chanhee** : sure buddy

 **Chanhee** : where are you btw?????

 **Changmin** : back at my room

 **Changmin** : THANK GOD it doesn't smell like bleach here or else i would throw up all over the place

 **Chanhee** : what did hyunjae hyung say?

 **Changmin** : oh nothing

 **Changmin** : but he texted me

 **Changmin** : and he said that if i want to sleep over again

 **Changmin** : his door is open

 **Chanhee** : OH MY GOD

 **Changmin** : i know, believe me i am rolling on the floor rn

 **Chanhee** : you finally stepped up your game dumbass

 **Changmin** : unlike you

 **Chanhee** : SHUT UP MF

**PRIVATE CHAT: ERIC-SUNWOO**

**Sunwoo** : bro are you really angry?

 **Sunwoo** : come on don't be like that

 **Sunwoo** : you know i was just teasing you

 **Sunwoo** : Eric ffs?????

_**[You can't reply to this conversation anymore.]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at hyunjae and changmin getting their shit together before juric,,, DEOBIS PLS SUPPORT THE BOYZ IN RTK PLS STREAM ISTG SUNWOO HAS A MF LEG BRACE THEYRE WORKING SO HARD SO LET'S WORK HARDER OKAY


	5. PLEASE READ

Hello! It's been a very long time since I last updated this and I'm finally back <3

First of all, I just want to say to those that read this fic that I'm very sorry for being mia in the past weeks. I've struggled with writer's block and also lost motivation to continue this (even my other fics) so i had to take a break. But now I finally found the will to pick this up again so expect more chapters in the following weeks! I just want to thank everyone who left comments, I havent replied to any of them but I swear they mean a lot and they're one of the reasons why I'm writing again. Thank you so much <3  
  
But that is not the topic of this filler chapter. The main thing i wanted to talk in this is about the member of the The Boyz. Two months ago, Creker released an identity film for them that showed them talking about their own personalities and who they really are behind the cameras. Now, ever since I watched that video, I just felt really disappointed to some fans that are putting labels on then (eg. Juyeon being the gullible member, Haknyeon's love for food, Chanhee being cold and savage, Jacob being the angel of the group, Sunwoo and his savageness, and so on) and limiting their personalities as just that. I felt guilty too, because I was once like that, but I promise you that I have learned and is still continuously learning. The members (every kpop artist actually) are humans and their personalities are not just what they show us, I hope you guys know and remember that.

I am here to tell you that we should never think of them as just those labels. They're so much more than that. Haknyeon is a very talented and well rounded idol. Juyeon is more than just a visual and he's fairly smart (watch the Come on The Boyz acting episode, he was one of the members that memorized the long script given to them until the end) too. Chanhee is their number one hype man and he's one of the most caring members. Jacob wants to be angry whenever he wants to, and not just be seen as this 'angel' anymore. Sunwoo is naturally funny and he might look savage but he's very thoughtful too. The list goes on. 

This fanfic is just, well, a fanfic. If you have noticed already, their personalities here are really close to these 'labels' and I'm telling you, it's meant to be that way. One, because this is a crack fic, but also because this is a chaptered fic and eventually I promise I will expound more on their personalities. So, if you find any of the content offensive or stereotyping in any way, feel free to message me (in the comments or in my twitter and I'll happily edit it out. I've already removed some parts that aren't necessarily offensive but can cause misunderstandings, so if you come back here to read the previous chapters again only to find some parts missing or changed, this is the reason why.

So yes, that's pretty much it! I thought I needed to make this additional chapter to not cause any misunderstanding in the future, and also to tell you guys that The Boyz are very talented and amazing human beings. If you are a deobi, appreciate them more! If you are a new fan or want to be a fan, I suggest you to watch the identity film as well as the behind videos for it so that you can get to know them more. Let's support them through everything! They won road to kingdom and they'd be competing in Kingdom a few weeks from now so you better prepare yourself for the hours-long streaming and voting we will surely do. Let's get them this win too!

That was a lot but I hope you read them all.The next chapter will be up tomorrow so I guess watch out for that too. Thank you so much, ily guys!!!


	6. "DID I FUCKING STUTTER?????"- Ji Changmin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whos back????? me lol enjoy <3

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**kev is IN** : sangyeon hyung knock knock

 **papa bear uwu** : who's there?

 **kev is IN** : me, jacob, juyeon, haknyeon and eric

 **papa bear uwu** : me, jacob, juyeon, haknyeon and eric who???

 **kev is IN** : NO WTF I MEANT WE'RE HERE

 **kev is IN** : IN FRONT OF YOUR ROOM

 **kev is IN** : SO OPEN THE DOOR

 **kev is IN** : OLD HAG

 **present past future** : LMAOOOOO

 **present past future** : wait can i come too?

 **papa bear uwu** : hold up im comin

 **papa bear uwu** : and no

 **present past future** : :((((

 **papa bear uwu** : ...

 **papa bear uwu** : fine

 **present past future** : :))))

 **qtiepie** : why is everyone hanging out without me :((

 **chan hee hee** : dw i won't be there too

 **qtiepie** : let's suffer together

 **chan hee hee** : no thanks

 **little sunshit** : don't you just hate it

 **little sunshit** : when people can't take a fucking joke

 **little sunshit** : lmao i wanna kms

 **ERECT** : don't you just hate it

 **ERECT** : when people can't mind their own business

 **little sunshit** : well sorry for being a good bestfriend

 **ERECT** : a good best friend doesn't joke about something sensitive ¯_(ツ)_/¯

 **little sunshit** : whatever at least im not childish enough to just block someone and not give them a chance to say sorry

 **ERECT** : you shouldn't have done it in the first place lol

 **qtiepie** : GUYS STOP

 **qtiepie** : FOR FUCK'S SAKE

 **qtiepie** : sangyeon hyung pls talk to eric knock some sense into him

 **papa bear uwu** : you heard that little brat

 **papa bear uwu** : i can see you inching towards the door get tf back here

 **qtiepie** : if the two of you don't make up today

 **qtiepie** : you won't be allowed to leave your room unless for academic purposes

 **little sunshit** : lmao you can't control us like that

 **qtiepie** : DID I FUCKING STUTTER?????

 **little sunshit** : no hyung

 **qtiepie** : good

 **qtiepie** : eric?

 **ERECT** : whatever

 **qtiepie** : COME AGAIN?????????

 **ERECT** : yes hyung

 **qtiepie** : you fucking dumbasses icb the two of you

 **qtiepie** : you ruined my movie i paused conjuring for this

 **qtiepie** : now i have to rewind to see Annabelle again ugh

 **bori's number one DADDY** : changmin i am impressed

 **chan hee hee** : even I wouldn't be able to do that wow

 **hak neon** : that was lowkey hot

 **chan hee hee** : but his obsession with Annabelle is a turn off

 **hak neon** : true that

 **qtiepie** : suddenly i can't read

**PRIVATE CHAT: HAKNYEON-SUNWOO**

**Haknyeon** : hey

 **Haknyeon** : you okay?

 **Sunwoo** : wdym ofc i am

 **Sunwoo** : ruining my friendship with my best friend is no big deal lmao haha

 **Haknyeon** : hey stop

 **Haknyeon** : i know it's not my position to say this but

 **Haknyeon** : you kinda did go overboard

 **Sunwoo** : i know

 **Sunwoo** : i am just being a brat

 **Sunwoo** : it's just that

 **Sunwoo** : i hate how when i try to be funny and lift the mood up

 **Sunwoo** : i always end up just hurting ppl instead

 **Haknyeon** : sunwoo

 **Haknyeon** : you're like, the funniest person i know

 **Haknyeon** : you always make me laugh

 **Haknyeon** : you're like a walking comedy bar lmao

 **Haknyeon** : but that doesn't mean that you always have to lift the mood up, it's not your obligation

 **Haknyeon** : i mean sometimes it's okay to let people get sad and go through some shit

 **Haknyeon** : and it's okay to not shoulder everything on your own too

 **Haknyeon** : fuck im not making any sense i hope you get it

 **Haknyeon** : but just always remember that no one's perfect okay?

 **Haknyeon** : we fight at times but that's what makes our relationship stronger

 **Haknyeon** : so don't beat yourself too much yeah?

 **Sunwoo** : :((((((((

 **Sunwoo** " you mf

 **Haknyeon** : WHAT DID I DO

 **Sunwoo** : you just made me cry

 **Sunwoo** : in lrtrerally bwwling my eyss out

 **Sunwoo** : whst ddid i do to dreserve yuo

 **Haknyeon** : STOP YOU'RE MAKING ME CRY TOO

 **Sunwoo** : good tihs is yuor fualtt anywsys sffuer lkie me/

 **Haknyeon** : KFIFIGJITIT

 **Haknyeon** : want me to come over

 **Sunwoo** : waht why

 **Haknyeon** : do i need a reason?

 **Haknyeon** : nvm then

 **Sunwoo** : NO PLD COME OVER

 **Sunwoo** : I NEED CUSDLES

 **Haknyeon** : thought so

 **Haknyeon** : wait for me :)

**PRIVATE CHAT: ERIC-SUNWOO**

**Eric** : uhm

 **Eric** : hello lmao

 **Eric** : WTF THIS IS SO AWKWARD HELP

 **Eric** : so,,,

 **Eric** : imreallysorryforbeingsoannoyingandsensitivepleaseforgivemeimissyousomuch

 **Eric** : i let my emotions get ahead of me and i am so sorry

 **Eric** : :(((((

 **Eric** : you can still have your bestfriend card back (bitch please take it i will cry)

 **Eric** : ...

 **Eric** : or not lmao

 **Eric** : but it's okay i get it!!!! im not angry i know you probably hate me so much rn

 **Eric** : uhm

 **Eric** : so yeah i can see you're not interested anymore so

 **Eric** : ily thanks for everything <33333

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**ERECT** : i am a sad man and i can feel the cold harsh wind slapping my skin harshly like claws with long and sharp tendrils

 **ERECT** : the moon is hiding behind the clouds and the night is much much colder and darker

 **ERECT** : the stars are out and about but they shine no light, like my life from now onwards, bearing no meaning or purpose anymore

 **chan hee hee** : damn who hurt you

 **ERECT** : thou shalt not know

 **bori's number one DADDY** : wow beautiful writing, the angst is so flavorful i can feel the pain through your words

 **chan hee hee** : wtf

 **bori's number one DADDY** : now write some smut

 **chan hee hee** : ew no wtf stop

 **ERECT** : JUST LET ME CRY A LITTLE BIT LONGER

 **ERECT** : I AIN'T GONNA SMILE IF I DON'T WANT TO

 **chan hee hee** : oh no he's singing a paramore song

 **chan hee hee** : sad eric is back

 **chan hee hee** : hello??? ugly ass bitches

 **chan hee hee** : where tf is everyone

 **bori's number one DADDY** : probably still at sangyeon hyung's

 **chan hee hee** : IT'S ALMOST 8PM ALREADY?????

 **bori's number one DADDY** : yes exactly you know how comfy it is there

 **chan hee hee** : oh yeah right

 **chan hee hee** : oh to be sleeping on sangyeon hyung's soft king sized bed

 **bori's number one DADDY** : oh to be sleeping beside you ;)

 **chan hee hee** : DLFJKFKGKGKGKY

 **ERECT** : chanhee gay :(

 **chan hee hee** : shut up sad eric

\---

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinking about dragging this sunric fight longer... hmmm should i :D


	7. "platypuses can get pregnant? i thought they lay eggs"- Sohn Eric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at me being so productive <3 im gonna enjoy this motivation while it lasts

**PRIVATE CHAT: SUNWOO-ERIC**

**Sunwoo** : holy shit omg

 **Sunwoo** : IM SO SORRY OMG

 **Sunwoo** : i fell asleep and i just woke up im so sorry i forgive u

 **Eric** : you do???? :(

 **Sunwoo** : yes of course i do! it's not even ur fault i should be the one apologizing

 **Eric** : no no it's my fault too for being so sensitive

 **Sunwoo** : no it's my fault for being too nosy and insensitive

 **Eric** : but it's MY fault for not letting you explain and apologize and for being so childish

 **Sunwoo** : YES BUT IT'S MY FAULT BECAUSE I EXPOSED YOU LIKE THAT

 **Eric** : BUT IT'S CLEARLY MY FAULT FOR NOT TELLING THE TRUTH IN THE FIRST PLACE

 **Sunwoo** : oml i forgot how much of a headache you are

 **Sunwoo** : fine it's BOTH our faults can we just make up already

 **Eric** : fine

 **Eric** : did you miss me that much ;)

 **Sunwoo** : fuck no

 **Sunwoo** : mayhaps a little

 **Eric** : KDJFKFKGKLGKG

 **Eric** : it's okay i missed you so much i feel like kissing you

 **Sunwoo** : that's really gay but okay

 **Sunwoo** : thank you i want my best friend card back <3

 **Eric** : it's all yours please take care of it

 **Eric** : and about the whole juyeon incident

 **Eric** : it really is my fault for not telling the truth a long time ago so yes i forgive you

 **Sunwoo** : :( ily babe

 **Eric** : iloveutoo :3

**PRIVATE CHAT: SUNWOO-HAKNYEON**

**Sunwoo** : hey thank you for last night and sorry for making you sleep on the floor lol

 **Haknyeon** : it's no big deal i swear

 **Haknyeon** : how are you btw

 **Haknyeon** : you and eric i mean

 **Sunwoo** : we just made up!

 **Sunwoo** : felt like a heavy weight has been lifted off me tbh

 **Haknyeon** : see? i told you you were beating yourself up too much

 **Haknyeon** : im so glad you two made up cause im not so sure if i can handle eric's sudden emo phase anymore

 **Sunwoo** : oh yes that too ugh you didn't have to remind me

 **Haknyeon** : he literally sent pictures of him crying on the gc

 **Haknyeon** : WITH SMUDGED EYELINER ALL OVER HIS EYES

 **Sunwoo** : and he even sent voicemails of him singing more paramore

 **Sunwoo** : like WHY

 **Haknyeon** : lmao ikr thank god that's over

 **Sunwoo** : thanks to you ehe

 **Haknyeon** : shush i didn't even do anything big i just did my part as your second best friend

 **Sunwoo** : and i love you for that

 **Sunwoo** : as a best friend i mean haha

 **Haknyeon** : duh i know how else could you like me

 **Sunwoo** : RIGHT???

 **Sunwoo** : anyways igtg prof's here bye see you later!

 **Haknyeon** : bye go break some leg

 **Haknyeon** : actually dont knowing you you might take that literally

 **Sunwoo** : fuck you

 **Haknyeon** : maybe later ;)

 **Sunwoo** : I HATE YOU I REALLY DO

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**ERECT** : guys would i be expelled if i got caught texting in class

 **papa bear uwu** : no they'd probably just confiscate your phone then give you a warning

 **papa bear uwu** : why'd you ask

 **belly button** : Eric aren't you in class why are you texting

 **ERECT** : ^^^exactly why im asking

 **papa bear uwu** : IM GONNA FUCKING BEAT YOU UP WTF

 **ERECT** : BUT IT'S SO BORING!!!! AND DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE YOU'RE IN CLASS TOO

 **papa bear uwu** : YES BUT IT'S A PE CLASS

 **ERECT** : SAME DIFFERENCE

 **papa bear uwu** : ERIC I SWEAR TO GOD

 **little sunshit** : what the fuck is happening my phone is vibrating like crazy people might think it's a fucking sex toy

 **belly button** : PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN'T IN CLASS

 **little sunshit** : and if i am what are you gonna do

 **belly button** : i give up i resign from being this group's official mom you kids are demons

 **ERECT** : good riddance amirite

 **little sunshit** : good riddance amirite (2)

 **hak neon** : good riddance amirite (3)

 **papa bear uwu** : good riddance amirite (4)

 **papa bear uwu** : WAIT NO WTF WHY DID I JOIN YOU

 **hak neon** : lol

 **belly button** : i hate you guys fuck yall

 **papa bear uwu** : jacob did you just—

 **belly button** : YES I JUST SAID FUCK IS THAT SO WRONG?

 **papa bear uwu** : no i wanted to say that was hot but anyways

 **belly button** : oh

 **belly button** : OH

 **belly button** : OHHHHH

 **ERECT** : oh no sangyeon-hyung you just fed his ego

 **little sunshit** : he has one?????

 **ERECT** : yes you shouldve seen him ripping his sleeves off when Juyeon-hyung said he has beautiful arms

 **belly button** : fuck you im still here

 **ERECT** : sighs see what you did

 **papa bear uwu** : can you kids please calm down with the swears for a good minute keep it PG-13

 **ERECT** : shit

 **little sunshit** : fuck

 **hak neon** : HOLY MOTHER OF PREGNANT PLATYPUSES

 **belly button** : ??/$/:'(

 **ERECT** : platypuses can get pregnant? i thought they lay eggs

 **little sunshit** : uhh is that a real question

 **little sunshit** : IF YOU SAY YES I WILL SMACK YOU IN THE HEAD

 **papa bear uwu** : wait you guys aren't fighting anymore???

 **little sunshit** : i literally just said i will smack him in the head

 **papa bear uwu** : yes but like you're not FIGHTING fighting anymore

 **little sunshit** : oh uhm yes we already made up

 **ERECT** : AREN'T YOU PROUD OF US

 **papa bear uwu** : i am i am it's just that i kinda miss the peace in this gc

 **papa bear uwu** : can you two fight a little longer next time thank you

 **belly button** : SHOULDN'T YOU BE SAYING THAT THEY SHOULD NEVER FIGHT ANYMORE

 **papa bear uwu** : it's okay just like my mom said

 **papa bear uwu** : you cant clean your nose without touching any booger

 **little sunshit** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **ERECT** : HELLO?/$/??-

 **hak neon** : should i be concerned

 **belly button** : sangyeon-hyung i love you and all

 **belly button** : but what in the actual fuck is that

 **papa bear uwu** : duh it just means that to be the best versions of ourselves, we gotta experience some hardships first!

 **little sunshit** : THEN SAY IT AS JUST THAT WTF

 **ERECT** : hyung never make any analogy again. like EVER

 **hak neon** : i second the motion

 **papa bear uwu** : whatever at least you get the point

 **kev is IN** : HI

 **belly button** : hello my little princess poodle

 **kev is IN** : BYE

 **belly button** : awww i thought hard for that :(

 **kev is IN** : i appreciate the effort but no

 **little sunshit** : kevin hyung if you're a princess poodle what is your kingdom called

 **kev is IN** : DONT RIDE HIS JOKE PLEASE

 **ERECT** : poodleland!

 **hak neon** : the land of gay canadian poodles!

 **little sunshit** : LMAO

 **kev is IN** : i shouldn't have spoken

_**ERECT changed kev is IN's nickname into ittle princess poodle** _

**little princess poodle** : i hate it here

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so anyways deobis please shower Sunwoo with love and support :( im so glad that he spoke up about the recent issue and he owned up to his mistakes and we should applaud him for that because it takes a LOT of courage to admit things that might hurt your reputation. he needs us now so show him that it's okay as long as he knows what he did wrong and is sincere about his apology! Sunwoo bestest boy i love him so much


	8. "i see that im icy"- Sohn Eric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowowowowow look at who's back after twelve years surprise surprise i have not given up on this fic yet!

**PRIVATE CHAT: SUNWOO-ERIC**

**Sunwoo** : hey hey hey

 **Eric** : i see that im icy

 **Sunwoo** : ??????

 **Eric** : -ITZY (2019)

 **Sunwoo** : turn the fanboy mode off for a second and listen to me

 **Eric** : '6'6"$6$6:3:3:+:(-(?9?9!!9"93((+:+: processing ( _(_ (+@2@5@"6"6:

 **Sunwoo** : sighs

 **Eric** : okay turned off now what is it

 **Sunwoo** : you do know that was very unnecessary right

 **Sunwoo** : anyway uhm

 **Sunwoo** : i have a teeny tiny dilemna

 **Sunwoo** : like it's really not big of a deal just something very small

 **Sunwoo** : but uhh how do i say this

 **Sunwoo** : how do you know if you like someone?

 **Eric** : BITCH

 **Eric** : i was getting nervous i thought it was something BAD

 **Sunwoo** : dont you know how to read i literally just said it's not a big thing

 **Eric** : i thought you were doing that reverse psychology shit again

 **Sunwoo** : JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION

 **Eric** : hmmm you made the right choice asking me!

 **Sunwoo** : right because you're the love expert

 **Eric** : exactly. i am so good when it comes to romance i sometimes wonder if im a son of aphrodite or something

 **Sunwoo** : you're so good at romance that you can't even confess to your crush personally and you had to resort to sneaking scented papers with cheesy letters written on them inside their locker and then after you got caught you DENIED it instead of grabbing the opportunity to finally ask them out

 **Sunwoo** : you're right you're very great 10/10

 **Eric** : WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU

 **Eric** : I AM ACTUALLY VERY OFFENDED

 **Eric** : are you here to ask my help or to rub that in my face

 **Sunwoo** : im sorry i was just kidding hahahahaha good laugh pls dont be mad

 **Eric** : lucky for you you imbecile i am in a good mood today! so im going to let that pass

 **Sunwoo** : oh mighty Sohn Eric your heart is too big thank you for such kindness

 **Eric** : i know you're rolling your eyes right now

 **Eric** " ANYWAYS back to your question

 **Eric** : i personally think only you can answer that no matter what i tell you

 **Sunwoo** : wdym isnt the concept of liking someone and all that universal

 **Eric** : well yeah mostly

 **Eric** : but still it all depends on you really

 **Eric** : like sure if a person makes your heart beat like crazy and turn your knees to jellies whenever you see them you can say you like them

 **Eric** : but at the same time what if all of that doesn't happen? does that mean you don't like that person already? what if instead all of that the feelings you get are just… subdued. or like soft and not in your face.

 **Eric** : kinda like even though they dont make you palpitate with just a single glance you still feel the most comfortable with them. like your heart just feels at ease in their presence. or like instead of jellyfying your knees they just make you feel warm all over. u know what i mean?

 **Eric** : my point is sometimes you cant know if you like someone. you just feel it

 **Eric** : like that

 **Eric** : sunwoo???

 **Eric** : HELLO

 **Sunwoo** : hold up am i speaking to Eric Sohn

 **Eric** : well yeah??????????

 **Sunwoo** : there's no way who are you where is eric

 **Sunwoo** : THE ERIC I KNOW DONT SAY THINGS THAT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE

 **Sunwoo** : give eric back! i will call the fucking police!

 **Eric** : BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD

 **Eric** : i told u im a love expert ;)

 **Sunwoo** : no because that actually makes a LOT of sense like objectively speaking

 **Sunwoo** : BUT THAT DID NOT HELP ME AT ALL

 **Eric** : WELL IM SORRY IT'S JUST HOW IT IS

 **Eric** : what brought this up anyway

 **Sunwoo** : well uhhmmm uhh

 **Sunwoo** : nothing haha

 **Eric** : BULLSHIT

 **Eric** : do you like someone

 **Sunwoo** : who? ME? haha no way

 **Eric** : oh my god YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!

 **Eric** : who's the poor soul

 **Sunwoo** : shut up i dont like anyone

 **Eric** : YOU DO YOU TOTALLY DO JUST SPILL IT

 **Eric** : are they nice? do they look half as handsome as me? CAN THEY DO KARATE

 **Sunwoo** : why is martial arts important

 **Eric** : well duh of course they have to have the ability to defend themselves from you!

 **Sunwoo** : fuck you

 **Sunwoo** : well he can't do that haknyeon cant even do a high kick for the life of him

 **Sunwoo** : but he's nice and TWICE as handsome as you is that enough

 **Eric** : hmmmmmm maybe so poor haknyeonnie though

 **Eric** : wait.…

 **Sunwoo** : oh god i was hoping you wouldn't catch that

 **Eric** : OH MY GOD YOU LIKE HAKNYEON????????

 **Eric** : OUR HAKNYEON??? THE JOO HAKNYEON???????

 **Sunwoo** : DAMN IT

 **Sunwoo** : FINE WHATEVER IT'S NOTHING ANYWAYS

 **Eric** : OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

 **Eric** : wait give me five seconds

 **Sunwoo** : WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

 **Sunwoo** : Sohn Eric if you even dare try telling someone else i will play fruit ninja with your body parts

 **Sunwoo** : IS THAT YOU SCREAMING?????

 **Eric** : yeah i had to let it out of my system im just so AMAZED

 **Sunwoo** : that was so loud are you trying to get kicked out of the dorm????

 **Eric** : i dont care! what Matters now is you like haknyeon!!!!!!

 **Eric** : ive always thought you two seemed a little too close but i didn't actually expect YOU to like him

 **Eric** : AND I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO EASILY SLIP LIKE THAT

 **Eric** : you know if you haven't said it yourself i would have had NO idea

 **Sunwoo** : I FUCKING KNOW

 **Sunwoo** : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Sunwoo** : goddammit this is not your fault but im blaming this to you anyway

 **Eric** : nothing new with that

 **Eric** : SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU LIKED HIM THOUGH

 **Sunwoo** : wait let me just clarify something

 **Sunwoo** : i really do NOT like him

 **Eric** : uh huh

 **Sunwoo** : no bitch i am serious

 **Sunwoo** : or at least im not sure yet

 **Sunwoo** : but he's been making me feel... things

 **Eric** : you feel things = you like him

 **Sunwoo** : THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING

 **Sunwoo** : regardless i cant like him i shouldn't

 **Eric** : ??????? and why is that

 **Sunwoo** : because we're best friends

 **Eric** : and what does that have to do with anything

 **Sunwoo** : you don't understand

 **Sunwoo** : if i keep this up and he ends up rejecting me it will ruin our relationship

 **Sunwoo** : and im pretty sure he WILL reject me

 **Eric** : are you haknyeon yes or no

 **Sunwoo** : no?

 **Eric** : then how can you be sure of HIS feelings?

 **Sunwoo** : i just am!

 **Sunwoo** : it's very obvious that he doesn't feel 'things' like i do

 **Sunwoo** : and okay dont tell him i told you this

 **Eric** : ooh what is it

 **Sunwoo** : swear on your life first that you will never tell anyone

 **Eric** : i swear on my and your life

 **Sunwoo** : bitch that's not how it works but that'll do

 **Sunwoo** : but okay the other night when he came over

 **Sunwoo** : when we were getting ready to sleep

 **Sunwoo** : i kinda took a peek at his phone

 **Eric** : okay that's wrong

 **Sunwoo** : WAIT NOT LIKE THAT

 **Sunwoo** : and hello we always borrow each other's phones anyway

 **Sunwoo** : but the other night when i borrowed it it had a password

 **Sunwoo** : and i know what you're thinking no i do NOT care if he doesn't tell me his password it's his phone after all and i respect his privacy best friends or not

 **Sunwoo** : but i noticed something else... he changed his lockscreen

 **Sunwoo** : it used to be just his face you know but...

 **Sunwoo** : it's Kim Seungmin now

 **Eric** : Kim Seungmin????

 **Sunwoo** : yeah

 **Eric** : that ridiculously cute and smart kid from science class?

 **Sunwoo** : yeah

 **Eric** : oh

 **Eric** : :(((

 **Eric** : im so sorry sunwoo i didn't know

 **Sunwoo** : that's why i know i have no chance in the first place

 **Sunwoo** : and that is why i asked you because i hoped you would say something like no you dont like him that's completely just a feeling that comes with platonic relationships but no

 **Sunwoo** : ughhhh i hate this so much

 **Eric** : well like i said only you can decide

 **Eric** : if you think you really dont like him and youre just confused that's fine

 **Eric** : but if you DO like him that's fine too

 **Eric** : and i hope you know that haknyeon is your best friend and you are his best friend too

 **Eric** : so i am Very Sure that even if you tell him your feelings he wont let that change anything

 **Sunwoo** : but what about me

 **Sunwoo** : ill feel awkward everytime

 **Eric** : then ask for some distance do what you think will help

 **Eric** : ill just tell you this

 **Eric** : we don't know for sure if haknyeon actually doesn't feel the same

 **Sunwoo** : i just told you about the lockscreen???

 **Eric** : which doesn't fully prove anything. even i have you as my lockscreen and you know i dont see you like that ew

 **Eric** : so unless you hear straight from him that he likes seungmin then dont finalize things yet

 **Sunwoo** : okayyyyyy

 **Sunwoo** : okay

 **Sunwoo** : ill sort this out hopefully soon

 **Sunwoo** : BITCH YOU DONT KNOW HOW THANKFUL I AM RIGHT NOW

 **Eric** : what can i say?

 **Sunwoo** : i Am ThE lOvE ExPerT

 **Eric** : i am the love expert

 **Sunwoo** : yeah you said it already

 **Eric** : IS THAT HOW YOU THANK PEOPLE WHO HELP YOU

 **Sunwoo** : no i usually treat them to dinners but you are an exception <33

 **Eric** : UNEXCEPT ME

 **Sunwoo** : is that even a word

 **Eric** : I DONT CARE I DONT WANT TO BE AN EXCEPTION

 **Sunwoo** : not my fault you're a very special person in my life

 **Eric** : awww

 **Eric** : BUT I DONT WANT IT

 **Eric** : TREAT ME DINNER WHAT THE FUCK

 **Sunwoo** : no can do sir

 **Eric** : SUNWOOOOOOOO

\--- ---

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was... interesting lol ok this wasn't really a "crack" chapter but i hoped it's a good compensation for my absence nonetheless ANYWAY ill try updating this weekly now (read: try) because i actually kinda missed writing this and i missed the 3 people who comments on my posts i love u guys dw we'll be bigger soon


	9. "you're not my dad!" -Joo Haknyeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "two updates in a row? wow you're really getting back to this fic huh" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA watch me disappear for a whole year after this update

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**little princess poodle** : HO HO HO

 **little princess poodle** : okay wait a fucking second

_**little princess poodle changed their own nickname to 우린 마치 like a moonlight** _

**ERECT** : hamkkeramyeon have a good time!

 **hak neon** : nae mami neol like

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : wait stop distracting me what the fuck

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : take 2!

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : ACTION

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : HO HO HO

 **qtiepie** : kevin hyung it's too early in the morning to be high

 **present past future** : he's not high dw that kevin is the normal kevin

 **qtiepie** : that's even scarier why is he like this

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : HO! HO! HO!

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** ": WHAT'S THAT AM I HEARING

 **chan hee hee** : the silence in your empty head?

 **little sunshit** ": lol

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : hmmm let me just listen closely

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : that's right it's the sound of christmas !

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : merry christmas guys !!!

 **ERECT** : hyung the 25th is still two weeks away

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : wtv is it wrong to celebrate early

 **juyeon♡every1** : merry christmas!!

 **little sunshit** : juyeon hyung u gonna hang socks for santa this year?

 **ERECT** : SUNWOO

 **juyeon♡every1** : oh! thanks for reminding me i totally forgot

 **juyeon♡every1** : brb

 **chan hee hee** : uhm

 **qtiepie** : uhm

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : SHH

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : say ONE word and youre going to break his heart

 **belly button** : no judgment here everyone can believe what they wanna believe~

 **hak neon** : i believe that im the hottest person in this gc

 **belly button** : except that

 **present past future** : LMAOOOOO

 **chan hee hee** : hyunjae hyung is your vocabulary limited to LMAOOOOO

 **qtiepie** : no?

 **qtiepie** : oops wrong acc

 **present past future** : i mean no?

 **little sunshit** : wait a minute

 **hak neon** : WHY DO YOU KNOW CHANGMIN HYUNG'S ACC

 **present past future** : uhmmm

**PRIVATE CHAT: HYUNJAE-CHANGMIN**

**Hyunjae** : should i tell them?

 **Changmin** : no! not yet!

 **Changmin** : im not readyyyyy :3

 **Hyunjae** : kkkk ure so cute

 **Changmin** : shut up ure cuter

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**present past future** : changmin left his acc open in my phone ig he forgot to log it out

 **qtiepie** : REALLY

 **qtiepie** : oops haha sorry

 **chan hee hee** : 🤨🤨

 **little sunshit** : we're not buying that bs

 **ERECT** : are you two together????

 **qtiepie** : no what the heck i told u im in my parents' home for the entire winter break

 **ERECT** : no wait let me rephrase that

 **ERECT** : are you two going out?

 **present past future** : in this weather????? bitch do you want me in the frozen section of your fridge or what

 **ERECT** : NO WHAT THE FCUK THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

 **hak neon** : eric

 **hak neon** : dont bother

 **hak neon** : i bet theyre just playing dumb to avoid your question lol

 **ERECT** : WHATEVER

 **ERECT** : the truth will come out sooner or later

 **bori's number one DADDY** : hamkkeramyeon have a good time!

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : younghoon hyung i appreciate it but you're too late

 **chan hee hee** : he still uses internet explorer dont be surprised

 **little sunshit** : WHY THE FUCK???

 **papa bear uwu** : wait speaking of winter break guys

 **present past future** : HEY SANGYEON HYUNG

 **papa bear uwu** : hi

 **hak neon** : heeeeeeeeeello

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : hi hi hi annyeonghago malhal mankeum

 **chan hee hee** : ok can you please stop with the song lyrics shit it's getting old

 **hak neon** : oK cAn yOu pLeAsE sToP wiTH thE sOng lyRicS sHit itS geTTing oLd

 **chan hee hee** : haha very funny

 **papa bear uwu** : dont fight!

 **hak neon** : sorry

 **chan hee hee** : sorr

 **little sunshit** : LOLLL HE COULDN'T EVEN FINISH TYPING THE WORD

 **papa bear uwu** : ok speaking of winter break who are staying behind in the dorms again?

 **papa bear uwu** : aside from me ofc

 **chan hee hee** : i

 **우린 마치 like a moonlight** : me and cob

 **little sunshit** : me too

 **papa bear uwu** : so only changmin younghoon and hyunjae are out of town?

 **chan hee hee** : i think juyeon is leaving too

 **papa bear uwu** : ooh what about haknyeon

 **belly button** : i saw him yesterday in the campus

 **belly button** : with that smart kid i forgot his name

 **ERECT** : KIM SEUNGMIN?????

 **belly button** : yeah him

 **papa bear uwu** : hmmm what about u eric are u staying

 **ERECT** : yeah

 **ERECT** : i dont have remedial classes or anything my family is just thousands of miles away so i really dont have anywhere to go to except this crappy dorm so haha

 **chan hee hee** : eric :((

 **little sunshit** : im so sorryyyy i promise ill sleepover at yours every night

 **ERECT** : no its okay im used to it

 **ERECT** : just feeling a little homesick

 **belly button** : i feel u bro but hey we're all here for u <333

 **papa bear uwu** : yeahhh actually the reason i asked is i was wondering if yall can drop by here sometime so we could hang out and stuff

 **papa bear uwu** : maybe during christmas day?

 **ERECT** yeah id LOVE that!!

 **hak neon** : there better be a buffet or what's the point

 **papa bear uwu** : i did not raise you to be choosy!

 **hak neon** : you're not my dad!

**PRIVATE CHAT: SUNWOO-ERIC**

**Sunwoo** : i told u

 **Eric** : DONT OVERTHINK

 **Eric** : they are friends ofc they will be together during classes

 **Sunwoo** : honestly

 **Sunwoo** : you're the only one here still not giving up

 **Eric** : sunwoo

 **Sunwoo** : no it's okay you were right actually i do like haknyeon but it doesn't matter now

 **Sunwoo** : ill get over him eventually

 **Eric** : sunwoo

 **Sunwoo** : really it's okay

 **Sunwoo** : ttyl i still have homeworks to do

 **Eric** : okay if that's what u want

 **Eric** : byeeee ily sunwoo

**PRIVATE CHAT: ERIC-HAKNYEON**

**Eric** : hi hyung

 **Haknyeon** : hey

 **Eric** : so i was just wondering

 **Haknyeon** : i didnt ask?

 **Eric** : chanhee??

 **Haknyeon** : damn right!

 **Haknyeon** : hold on haknyeon's in the toilet

 **Eric** : why are you together?

 **Haknyeon** : you do know our rooms are right across each other right

 **Haknyeon** : i just came by to borrow something

 **Eric** : oh right i forgot sorry

 **Haknyeon** : he's back bye ericie i hope you choke and die

 **Eric** : bye hyung ily too

 **Eric** : haknyeon hyung???

 **Haknyeon** : it's me it's me wassup

 **Eric** : nothing i just have a weird question

 **Haknyeon** : hit me

 **Eric** : so uhhhh

 **Eric** : areyoudatingkimseungminfromscienceclass

 **Haknyeon** : you couldve just typed that properly i can still read that

 **Haknyeon** : and who told you

 **Eric** : oh

 **Eric** : so you are?

 **Haknyeon** : we're not yet official but we're getting there

 **Eric** : oh

 **Haknyeon** : you don't sound happy about it

 **Haknyeon** : DO U LIKE ME ARE U JEALOUS OF HIM

 **Eric** : ew no tf in your dreams

 **Eric** : and im happy for u! really

 **Eric** : i just didn't expect it

 **Haknyeon** : wel

 **Eric** : is it supposed to be a secret?

 **Haknyeon** : nah we dont really care

 **Eric** : THEN WHY DIDNT U TELL US ANYTHING

 **Haknyeon** : BITCH U NEVER ASKED

 **Eric** : WE HAD NO IDEA????

 **Haknyeon** : THAT'S NOT MY FAULT

 **Eric** : FINE

 **Eric** : im happy for u though

 **Eric** : damn this is making me feel so conflicted

 **Eric** : im happy for u but at the same time i really want to kick u in the balls rn

 **Haknyeon** : why the fuck

 **Eric** : nothing nothing thank u hyung

 **Haknyeon** : no problem i hope u and juyeon hyung can date soon too

 **Eric** : thanks

 **Eric** : NO WAIT I DON'T LIKE HIM

 **Haknyeon** : thanks huhhh

 **Eric** : Thanks - SEVENTEEN (2018)

 **Haknyeon** : sure sure

 **Eric** : bye hyung

 **hak neon** : so that love letter incident was NOT a joke after all

 **Haknyeon** : dont worry i wont tell

 **Eric** : GOODBYE hyung

**GROUP CHAT: BLOOM BLOOM MY A$$**

**bori's number one DADDY** : hi hi hi annyeonghago malhal mankeum

\--- ---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know christmas is only 2 days away not 2 weeks but TIME ISNT REAL anyways stream let me in by enhypen!


	10. ""there's no talent fee if there's no talent" - Ji Changmin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas from me and the boyz! (ft. Kim Seungmin)

**GROUP CHAT: MERRY CHRISTMASSY!**

**Santa Kevin** : tenenenententen

 **Santa Kevin** : jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell rock

 **Santa Juyeon** : jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring

 **Santa Changmin** : snowing and blowin up bushels of fun

 **Santa Chanhee** : *slapping noises*

 **Santa Kevin** : now the jingle hop has begun!

 **hak neon** : what the hell is going on

 **belly button** : ….

 **ERECT** : UHHHHHH

 **Santa Kevin** : jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell rock

 **Santa Juyeon** : jingle bells chime in jingle bell time

 **Santa Changmin** : dancin and prancin in jingle bell square

 **Santa Chanhee** : *bumps into each other*

 **Santa Kevin** : in the fr-fr-fr-fr-fr-fr

 **Santa Chanhee** : *kicks the speaker _*_

 **hak neon** : oh nevermind i get it

 **present past future** : this feels like a fever dream someone wake me up

 **ERECT** : im curious how they managed to convince chanhee hyung into this

 **papa bear uwu** : i dont get it

 **Santa Kevin** : *gasps* Jason????????

 **hak neon** : @ sangyeon hyung they're roleplaying that mean girls scene

 **papa bear uwu** : what is a mean girls

 **bori's number one DADDY** : KEVIN IS GRETCHEN WIENERS?????

 **Santa Kevin** : no

 **Santa Kevin** : i am Kevin Wieners

 **belly button** : ooh i love kevin's wiener

 **hak neon** : EWWWW

 **ERECT** : TMI TMI

 **belly button** : *kevin wieners stupid auto correct

 **present past future** : kevin feels more like a karen smith to me tbh

 **Santa Kevin** : excuse me????

 **Santa Kevin** : with this sexy brain of mine?

 **Santa Juyeon** : im karen

 **hak neon** : ooh makes sense

 **ERECT** : no it doesn't juyeon hyung is too smart to be karen smith

 **ERECT** : HE'S LITERALLY THE TOP ACHIEVER OF HIS CLASS???

 **ERECT** : this is blasphemous! i demand an explanation!

 **Santa Kevin** : it's just a roleplay eric you dont need to be so defensive of your boyfriend

 **ERECT** : he's not my boyfriend

 **Santa Juyeon** : ouch

 **ERECT** : unless u want to be hahahaha

 **Santa Juyeon** : just kidding

 **ERECT** : i was just kidding too

 **Santa Changmin** : well this is awkward

 **Santa Changmin** : i btw am the main character cady herself!

 **hak neon** : so chanhee hyung's regina george? damn right

 **Santa Chanhee** : and what about it

 **Santa Chanhee** : can i change my nickname now show's over

 **Santa Kevin** : fine thank u for watching everyone!

 **hak neon** : 👏👏👏

 **ERECT** : 👏👏👏

 **papa bear uwu** : (even though i have no idea what you just did) 👏👏👏

 **bori's number one DADDY** : 👏👏👏

 **present past future** : 👏👏

 **Santa Changmin** : only two claps?

 **present past future** : the last clap wont be from my hands ;)

 **Santa Changmin** : oh

 **hak neon** : EWWWWWWW GO AWAY

 **papa bear uwu** : WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KEEPING IT PG-13

 **belly button** : is there something that the two of you are not telling us

 **present past future** : nothing?

 **Santa Changmin** : nothing

_**Santa Chanhee changed their own nickname to chanhet** _

**chanhet** : there, better

 **present past future** : YOU

 **present past future** : A HETEROSEXUAL

 **present past future** : DJJFKFJFKDKFKKFKDKFKF

 **chanhet** : literally shut the fuck up

 **ERECT** : you use literally in the beginning of every sentence that is NOT a heterosexual behavior

 **chanhet** : my vocabulary choices does not define my sexuality

 **hak neon** : you have chris evans posters in your room

 **chanhet** : i am a fan of Captain America

 **hak neon** : SHIRTLESS

 **chanhet** : THIS IS DEFAMATION

_**Santa Kevin changed chanhet's nickname to chanhomo** _

**Santa Kevin** : you're welcome

 **chanhomo** : is it chanhee bullying day today or something

 **papa bear uwu** : kids! stop fighting

 **bori's number one DADDY** : CHANHEE

 **bori's number one DADDY** : how much did they pay you for your participation in that... uhh… role-playing thingy

 **chanhomo** : OH RIGHT

 **chanhomo** : @ juyeon kevin changmin where's my talent fee

 **Santa Changmin** : there's no talent fee if there's no talent

 **Santa Kevin** : ^^^

 **Santa Juyeon** : hey! i was just forced too

 **chanhomo** : changmin watch out and sleep with one eye open

 **chanhomo** : @ juyeon i forgot they just blackmailed you for this

 **Santa Juyeon** : one day i will be back for revenge

 **Santa Kevin** : ooh scary

 **ERECT** : huh

 **Santa Juyeon** : ?????

 **Santa Kevin** : what is it eric :)))

 **Santa Kevin** : do you want to know what is our blackmail material

 **Santa Juyeon** : DONT

 **ERECT** : HUHHHHH

 **Santa Juyeon** : kevin!!!!!!!

 **Santa Kevin** : calm your tits i was just kidding im not like that

 **Santa Kevin** : sorry eric

 **ERECT** : i will find it out myself!

 **chanhomo** : HELLO WHAT ABOUT ME

 **chanhomo** : WHAT DO I GET IN EXCHANGE OF THE HUMILIATION

 **Santa Kevin** : a life lesson

 **chanhomo** : which is????

 **Santa Kevin** : Never Make a Deal with Moon Kevin

 **chanhomo** : ADKJFKFJFKFF I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP

 **papa bear uwu** : dw chanhee you did great

 **papa bear uwu** : the fact that you entertained us tonight is compensation enough dont you think

 **chanhomo** : hmmm maybe so

 **present past future** : how long did you practice that

 **Santa Kevin** : it was so fucking easy all we did was assign roles and that's it

 **Santa Kevin** : convincing juyeon and chanhee was WAYYYYYYY more difficult

 **belly button** : you guys saved christmas fr

 **Santa Kevin** : awwww :*

 **belly button** : :*

 **ERECT** : DISGUSTING

 **hak neon** : oh i forgot to greet u guys

 **hak neon** : MERRY CHRISTMAS

 **papa bear uwu** : MERRY CHRISTMAS

 **Santa Juyeon** : Merry Christmas!

 **hak neon** : Seungminnie says merry christmas too!

 **present past future** : aww ure boyfriend is so sweet

 **Santa Juyeon** : *ur

 **present past future** : what if i meant to say you are boyfriend is so sweet

 **chanhomo** : that doesn't make any fucking sense

 **chanhomo** : also pls tell seungmin my greetings too

 **hak neon** : he said thank u!!!!

 **belly button** : you two are spending christmas together? damn im jelly

 **Santa Kevin** : hi

 **belly button** : :D cmere

 **Santa Kevin** : omw

 **chanhomo** : silence for all the single people in chat

 **chanhomo** : me included

 **ERECT** : press f to pay respects

 **chanhomo** : f

 **papa bear uwu** : f

 **bori's number one DADDY** : f

 **Santa Juyeon** : why f

 **ERECT** : when will my prince charming come and sweep me off my feet

 **hak neon** : im no prince charming but i can sweep you off your feet

 **ERECT** : non-single people's opinions are invalid!

 **papa bear uwu** : did you guys notice

 **papa bear uwu** : that changmin and hyunjae didn't press f

 **Santa Changmin** : f

 **present past future** : f

 **papa bear uwu** : HMMMMMM

 **ERECT** : damn you're right

 **chanhomo** : CHANGMIN WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS

 **Santa Changmin** : i just wasn't paying attention to the gc wtf

 **chanhomo** : really now

 **Santa Changmin** : i promise you can burn my chucky doll if im lying

 **Santa Juyeon** : burn that thing

 **Santa Juyeon** : it gives me nightmares whenever i sleepover at yours

 **belly button** : dont force them guys

 **belly button** : revealing a relationship isnt as easy as you think it is

 **Santa Changmin** : but im not in a relationship

 **belly button** : it's okay my sweet summer child i understand

 **bori's number one DADDY** : it wasn't difficult for you

 **bori's number one DADDY** : you kissed kevin right in front of us

 **belly button** : well to some people it's no big deal

 **bori's number one DADDY** : no because we really didn't want to see it

 **ERECT** : yeah that was so fucking traumatizing

 **ERECT** : like we were all just minding our business one second and then jacob hyung's shoving his tongue down kevin hyung's throat

 **bori's number one DADDY** : you didn't have to remind me!

**PRIVATE CHAT: ERIC-SUNWOO**

**Eric** : Merry Christmas!

 **Sunwoo** : hey! merry christmas to you too!

 **Eric** : uhm

 **Eric** : i know i said i understand that you need space and time and all that after That hyung introduced his boyfriend to us

 **Eric** : but you're not even replying to the gc and im just

 **Eric** : so worried about you because i hate seeing you like this

 **Eric** : and i know the others are getting suspicious too juyeon hyung actually asked me yesterday what the deal with you is and i just told him that you have a lot of things on your plate but like...

 **Eric** : pls at least let them know that ure fine? because we're all worried

 **Sunwoo** : sorryyyyyy i just

 **Sunwoo** : i just didn't want to reply now because i know everyone will ask me what's wrong

 **Sunwoo** : and i didn't want to ruin the mood since yall were so happy and bubbly and shit

 **Eric** : sunwoo >:(

 **Eric** : i seriously do not care about anything else if i know that you're having a hard time and i believe everyone will say the same thing if you let them know

 **Sunwoo** : i know eric i know

 **Sunwoo** : just

 **Sunwoo** : give me a little more time?

 **Sunwoo** : i promise everything will be okay

 **Sunwoo** : ill be okay

 **Eric** : if that's what you want...

 **Eric** : but we're all here for you okay? especially me

 **Eric** : u know how much ily

 **Sunwoo** : i knowwww and im thankful

 **Sunwoo** : but rn i just want to be alone

 **Sunwoo** : merry christmas eric!

 **Sunwoo** : enjoy the holidays

 **Eric** : you too! ily

**PRIVATE CHAT: HAKNYEON-SUNWOO**

**Haknyeon** : MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DEAR BEST FRIEND

 **Haknyeon** : are you busy i dont hear much from you nowadays

 **Sunwoo** : hi! yeah kinda

 **Sunwoo** : merry christmas to you too!

 **Haknyeon** : WHERE HAVE U BEEENNNNN I MISSED U

 **Sunwoo** : sorry i cant speak to you for a long time my mom's asking me to help her prepare dinner

 **Sunwoo** : ttyl

 **Haknyeon** : ohhh it's okay

 **Haknyeon** : enjoy!!!

* * *

("Huh, that's weird," Haknyeon thinks.)

("Stop making this hard for me," Sunwoo whispers to himself.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor sunwoo... i love u my baby im so sorry


	11. "little did they know that rainbows are unicorn shit" - Moon Kevin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha sorry in advance for the shit you're about to read... ALSO WE JUST HIT 200 KUDOS OMGOMGOMGOMGONG I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT THANK U SO MUCH I DONT DESERVE IT BUT THANK UUUUU ILY GUYSSSS

**GROUP CHAT: sangyeon's children**

**jchngmn** : good morning guys!

 **present past future** : good morning changminnie

 **ERECT** : hyung it's 4 in the morning

 **ERECT** : im pretty sure waking up this early is illegal

 **jchngmn** : why are you awake then

 **ERECT** : zzzZzZzZ

 **nikev** : good morning homos and nonhomos

 **jchngmn** : kevin?? whys your nickname like that

 **nikev** : duh

 **nikev** : because nikev backwards is kevin

 **jchngmn** : no it's not????

 **nikev** : it is

 **jchngmn** : it really isnt

 **jchngmn** : nikev backwards is vekin

 **nikev** : not my fault you're illiterate

 **jchngmn** : i hate you

 **present past future** : nonhomos??????

 **present past future** : there's a straight person here?????

 **present past future** : WHO IS IT

 **present past future** : WHO IS THE IMPOSTER AMONG US

 **ERECT** : chanhee hyung

 **present past future** : no we settled that already during the previous chapter

 **ERECT** : previous chapter????

 **nikev** : HYUNJAE HYUNG

 **nikev** : fourth wall breaking is not allowed!

 **ERECT** : what are you two talking about

 **present past future** : nothing pretend i said nothing

 **belly button** : good morning

 **belly button** : why are yall up so early

 **belly button** : yes im looking at you changmin

 **little sunshit** : well changmin hyung's an early bird

 **little sunshit** : and is part squirrel so he's nocturnal

 **nikev** : when did squirrels become nocturnes

 **jchngmn** : SUNWOOOOO

 **jchngmn** : IS YOUR HIATUS OVER

 **little sunshit** : oh yes (wait a minute mr postman)

 **ERECT** : SUNWOO

 **ERECT** : MY BESTEST FRIEND

 **ERECT** : THE SOCK TO MY SHOE

 **ERECT** : THE HUB TO MY PORN

 **ERECT** : THE RIGHT BUTTCHEEK TO MY LEFT

 **ERECT** : HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

 **little sunshit** : correction im the left butt cheek

 **jchngmn** : so who's the asshole

 **little sunshit** : you

 **ERECT** : you

 **present past future** : HELP

 **jchngmn** : >:(

 **little sunshit** : anyway yes im fine and better than ever

 **present past future** : why were you gone i missed you so much

 **belly button** : exactly we thought you unfriended us

 **little sunshit** : I COULD NEVER

 **little sunshit** : also hyunjae hyung are you being held at gunpoint

 **present past future** : i am offended

 **present past future** : cant i be concerned about my favorite dongsaeng

 **little sunshit** : nothing happened i was just VERY VERY VERY busy

 **ERECT** : excuse me?!?!?!

 **ERECT** : who's the favorite now?

 **ERECT** : right in front of my salad?

 **present past future** : sorry eric your reign is over

 **ERECT** : WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND

 **ERECT** : TELL ME HYUNG

 **ERECT** : AM I THAT EASY TO REPLACE?

 **ERECT** : WAS I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU

 **present past future** : dont be dramatic eric

 **present past future** : you cant be my favorite dongsaeng if im not your favorite hyung

 **ERECT** : but you still are!

 **present past future** : tell that to my face when juyeon is here

 **present past future** : TELL ME

 **dew yawn** : what is happening?

 **present past future** : THERE HE IS

 **present past future** : WHAT NOW YOUNGJAE

 **ERECT** : l-let me explain!

 **present past future** : CHOOSE, ERIC

 **little sunshit** : ooh spicy

 **jchngmn** : what kdrama is this

 **hak neon** : why are you guys so noisy

 **hak neon** : also hi sunwoo you're back!!

 **chan hee hee** : the fuck is going on

 **bbanghoon** : the fuck is going on (2)

 **sangyeon has no children** : the fuck is going on (3)

 **nikev** : suddenly everybody is awake

 **hak neon** : i was asleep and i smelled some drama brewing so i woke up

 **hak neon** : and my instincts are once again right

 **present past future** : WELL WELL WELL

 **present past future** : the audience have gathered!

 **present past future** : SO WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING ERIC SOHN

 **ERECT** : stop doing this to me!

 **dew yawn** : hyunjae hyung dont pressure him

 **present past future** : he brought this to himself lee juyeon

 **present past future** : if i knew that my greatest rival is you i wouldn't have been so careless!

 **jchngmn** : ahem

 **present past future** : (for legal purposes this all just a joke)

 **little sunshit** : lol

 **chan hee hee** : HMMMMM

 **ERECT** : fine! i will choose now

 **present past future** : choose your words wisely young man

 **dew yawn** : it's okay eric pick whoever you want

 **nikev** : ^^he meant choose him

 **dew yawn** : no i don't really care

 **nikev** : ^^he meant he cares a lot and he will cry if you don't pick him

 **dew yawn** : shut the hell up

 **nikev** : ^^he meant kevin is right and is so hot

 **hak neon** : are you supposed to be his translator

 **nikev** : yes i deeply analyze his words and identify their real meanings

 **nikev** : because obviously juyeon is a big tsundere and cant be honest with his feelings

 **bbanghoon** : wow that rhymed

 **nikev** : william shakespeare is found wigless and shookt in his grave

 **sangyeon has no children** : not you talking about juyeon as if he's not here

 **little sunshit** : kevin hyung is shameless like that

 **hak neon** : coming from u hmmm

 **ERECT** : the person i choose is

 **little sunshit** : WHO

 **ERECT** : THE PERSON I CHOOSE IS

 **little sunshit** : *drum rolls*

 **ERECT** : is you chanhee hyung!

 **hak neon** : *the audience gasps*

 **present past future** : who????????

 **dew yawn** : what is the meaning of this...

 **chan hee hee** : it's about time you guys find out

 **bbanghoon** : find out about what

 **little sunshit** : u jealous or smth

 **bbanghoon** : who tf gave you that idea

 **ERECT** : me and chanhee hyung

 **ERECT** : we've been married for ten years

 **chan hee hee** : and we already have twelve daughters

 **chan hee hee** : we named them...

 **chan hee hee** : LOONA

 **hak neon** : *audience cheers*

 **present past future** : t-ten years?

 **present past future** : we've only been together for four years

 **present past future** : so all this time

 **present past future** : YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT

 **present past future** : WITH THAT MICHAEL JACKSON RIPOFF??????

 **chan hee hee** : excuse me?

 **ERECT** : im so sorry hyunjae hyung

 **ERECT** : i only stayed with you for your rock hard abs

 **jchngmn** : chokes

 **present past future** : *punches wall* all this time i thought you loved me

 **ERECT** : *wipes your wet cheeks* im so sorry for playing you

 **chan hee hee** : okay this is getting cringy

 **hak neon** : *kicks the door open* WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS

 **hak neon** : hyunjae hyung... who is he?

 **nikev** : arent you supposed to be the audience

 **belly button** : shh let the kids have fun

 **present past future** : b-babe what are you doing here?

 **ERECT** : babe????????

 **ERECT** : YOU'RE CHEATING A CHEATER?

 **hak neon** : *pulls hyunjae away* yes and what about it

 **hak neon** : he never loved you

 **present past future** : babe don't

 **ERECT** : *cries* *throws furnitures* *strips shirt off*

 **chan hee hee** : ew

 **jchngmn** : 🚨👮 what's going on over here

 **present past future** : officer!

 **chan hee hee** : oh god are yall really doing this

 **ERECT** : nothing officer

 **jchngmn** : why are you naked dont you know being shirtless is a crime

 **ERECT** : why officer *leans closer* is the sight of my body killing you

 **jchngmn** : *gulps* s-sir

 **chan hee hee** : IS THIS STILL OK????

 **nikev** : and then a wild unicorn appears!

 **belly button** : 🦄 neigh~

 **hak neon** : is that a motherfucking unicorn?????

 **belly button** : 🦄 neigh~

 **present past future** : come here babe, let's ride the unicorn and get out of here!

 **ERECT** : no! get back here!

 **hak neon** : giddy up!

 **present past future** : go unicornie! let's travel through the rainbows!

 **nikev** : (little did they know that rainbows are unicorn shit)

 **belly button** : 🦄 neiGHURGHHHHH~

 **belly button** : 🍑🌈

 **chan hee hee** : jesus christ

**PRIVATE CHAT: HAKNYEON-HYUNJAE**

**Haknyeon** : hyung

 **Haknyeon** : is it just me or was sunwoo ignoring me in the gc

 **Hyunjae** : wait what???

 **Hyunjae** : wdym

 **Haknyeon** : read back

 **Hyunjae** : huhhh i dont think he is

 **Hyunjae** : but at the same time it is kinda weird that he's not responding to u

 **Hyunjae** : did you two fight or something?

 **Haknyeon** : no

 **Haknyeon** : idk maybe im just overreacting

 **Haknyeon** : ANYWAY

 **Haknyeon** : so you and changmin hyung

 **Hyunjae** : ?????

 **Hyunjae** : is it that obvious

 **Haknyeon** : ARE YOU KIDDING ME

 **Haknyeon** : you two weren't even trying to hide it

 **Haknyeon** : only a stone would not notice

 **Hyunjae** : WELLLLLLL

 **Hyunjae** : dont tell anyone okay

 **Hyunjae** : idk why but changmin doesn't want all of you to know yet

 **Haknyeon** : sure sure

 **Haknyeon** : but like i said

 **Haknyeon** : i think the others know already

**PRIVATE CHAT: HYUNJAE-CHANGMIN**

**Hyunjae** : babeeeee

 **Hyunjae** : my babyyyy

 **Hyunjae** : my cutie pieeee

 **Changmin** : yes babe

 **Hyunjae** : can i ask something weird

 **Changmin** : you're weird

 **Hyunjae** : ouch :(

 **Changmin** : dont worry

 **Changmin** : i like weird

 **Hyunjae** : KDHFKFJFKFJFJDJFJFK

 **Hyunjae** : shut up

 **Hyunjae** : okay but i really do have a question

 **Changmin** : mhm what is it

 **Hyunjae** : so this is just out of pure curiosity okay i dont mean anything by asking this

 **Hyunjae** : and i love u no matter what u know that

 **Changmin** : wait this is making me nervous

 **Changmin** : is there a problem?

 **Hyunjae** : no no nothing i swear

 **Hyunjae** : i was just curious

 **Hyunjae** : what's the reason why you dont want the others to know yet?

 **Changmin** : about what

 **Hyunjae** : about us

 **Changmin** : oh

 **Hyunjae** : im just asking ok i dont really care i told you i respect your feelings so if you're not yet ready then i wont impose

 **Hyunjae** : i just want to know the reason?

 **Changmin** : i guess it's just because

 **Changmin** : well i really dont know either

 **Changmin** : i guess im just afraid

 **Hyunjae** : afraid of what? their reactions? why?

 **Changmin** : no not that i know they're amazing ppl and im sure they're already suspecting us

 **Changmin** : im afraid of the pressure

 **Hyunjae** : huh???

 **Changmin** : well because if we come out it's basically making our relationship official

 **Hyunjae** : dont you want to?

 **Changmin** : NO I WANT TO I REALLY DO

 **Changmin** : but like if we announce our relationship it's like exposing ourselves to comparisons and expectations

 **Changmin** : do u get what i mean?

 **Changmin** : like what if they start to compare us to kevin and jacob hyung

 **Changmin** : i dont want to be pressured like that because they're a perfect couple and i know we're not perfect

 **Changmin** : im not perfect

 **Changmin** : fuck im probably not making any sense rn

 **Hyunjae** : hey it's okay i understand

 **Hyunjae** : but dont think about that okay?

 **Hyunjae** : i dont care about the others i love you no matter what

 **Hyunjae** : let them compare us to other more perfect couples out there i dont care because they're not us

 **Hyunjae** : you're not perfect but i love all of you

 **Hyunjae** : even your imperfections

 **Hyunjae** : ESPECIALLY your imperfections

 **Hyunjae** : dont doubt yourself babe i loved you because youre you and i will keep on loving you for you

 **Hyunjae** : okay????

 **Changmin** : :(((((((((

 **Changmin** : okay <333

 **Changmin** : i love you so muchhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanna kiss you so bad

 **Changmin** : i promise one day ill shout to the world how much i love you

 **Hyunjae** : awww you dont have to i already know you do

 **Changmin** : I WILL

 **Changmin** : just give me a little more time to gain confidence

 **Hyunjae** : ill give you all the time you need <33

 **Hyunjae** : ilyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Changmin** : i love u more

\--- ---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i got a little sappy at the end forgive me for that ANYWAY this is maybe the last update for this year so... see you next year???? adv happy new year guys <33


End file.
